We know from the work we do, Domestic Abuse is very common, and our aim is to provide potentially lifesaving services to those who suffer until we have built a future where Domestic Abuse is not tolerated.

Domestic Abuse is the exercise of control by one person, over another, within an intimate or close family relationship; the abuse can be sexual, physical, financial, emotional or psychological.

It is usually a pattern of behaviour, and happens regardless of sex, age, carer responsibility, class, disability, gender identity, immigration status, ethnicity, geography or religion.

The current definition of Domestic Abuse is:

‘Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse [psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional] between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

This definition includes so called ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group. An adult is defined as any person aged 18 years or over.’

We must never underestimate the impact of Domestic Abuse on children, who are often present when the abuse happens.  Even though they may not have seen the abuse, it is likely that they have heard it.  Domestic Abuse can have a devastating impact on children and young people.  Witnessing the mistreatment of someone they love is hugely traumatic and the children experience both short and long term cognitive, behavioural and emotional effects as a result. Remember, it’s never your fault and help is out there

•   130,000 children live in homes where there is a high-risk domestic abuse
•   62% of children living with Domestic Abuse are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, in addition to the harm caused witnessing the abuse of others.

Haven Domestic Abuse Service will do everything we can to help and support the non-abusive parent to support their child/ren. Through the extensive work in schools the Child Support Workers aid children and young people to have an embedded understanding of the difference between healthy relationships and those that may lead to abuse.  They are supported to have a voice and speak out about issues surrounding Domestic Abuse and violence.

We are committed to delivering a service of quality that is open to all victims and children that are experiencing Domestic Abuse or at risk of experiencing it in South Lincolnshire.

We are here to:

• support victims of abuse and their families
• provide refuge for individuals and families fleeing domestic abuse
• prevent future Domestic Abuse in the next generation through our work in schools
• deliver integrated support for survivors through the Make a Change project
• continue support for victims on the road to recovery through our volunteer mentoring programme
• give one to one direct support in our Rural Community Hubs to help victims understand the effects of Domestic Abuse and feel empowered to move on

Words from a survivor

What domestic violence charities do and the difference our support can make.

When you first agree to work with a domestic violence organisation to flee an abusive relationship, you are assigned a support worker. They call you at specific times and use agreed codewords to make sure you are able to talk safely and freely. They advise you on how to plan to leave the situation, what to take, what to do and what not to do.

The reality is that you leave with what you can carry. In my case, a rucksack with three changes of clothes for each of us, whatever important documents I could gather, our medicines and electronics. I had a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile phone to use as all our electronics would need to stay on airplane mode to prevent us being tracked. The children had already packed their school bags with their precious things that they wanted to take.

It is hard to explain what it is like to have your life condensed down like this. We had no transport, no home, no money other than the cash I had managed to save. When we arrived at the refuge, I didn’t know what to expect. My head had conjured some cross between a secure psychiatric ward and a youth hostel! I just knew that whatever it was, it would be safe.

There were two support workers waiting for us, one for me and one for the children. We were shown around a lovely little home (we were lucky as most refuges are large buildings with a room per family, whereas we had been allocated a small, terraced house just for us). There was food in the cupboards, toothbrushes and toiletries in the bathroom, and games and art supplies in the lounge.

During the seven months we were in their care, we had constant support. There were one-to-one meetings for both myself and the children to help us begin to heal. There was legal and financial advice. There was always someone ready to help when the reality of it just got too big to handle.

Yet it goes so much further than that. We fled in November, so we spent Christmas in the refuge. I warned the children that I would have no money to spend on presents or exciting food. As our location had to be kept secret, my family could not even send presents to us. I was moved to tears when the support staff arranged a Christmas tree and decorations for the children to put up. They gave us sacks of presents for us all to open on Christmas day. They filled the kitchen with food for Christmas dinner. They gave us a Christmas.

It was the same for birthdays and mother’s day. It is an odd existence to live in a secret location, unable to see anyone or tell anyone where you are. But with the constant support and care, we began to learn to laugh again. We had pillow fights and played games. We spent hours in the local park battling aliens and saving the world. We shared cuddles and tears. We realised who we were.

It has been a year since we left, and our lives have changed beyond recognition. We still catch ourselves apologising or trying to guess what is the right thing to say – but we remind ourselves that we don’t live in that world anymore.

The process was initiated due to a duty of care intervention from my doctor, after which I was contacted by the domestic violence organisation. If they did not exist, we would still be there. That is a terrifying thought.

So, when you donate to a domestic violence organisation, please realise that it is so much more than just getting people to leave abusive relationships. It is the safe space that is waiting with a cup of tea and a toothbrush ready for you. It is the months of rebuilding a family that has been completely broken. It is Christmas, cuddles and laughter.

We want to thank each and every one of our funders, donors, supporters and partners. Words will never be able to truly express our appreciation for your support.

Every one plays a huge role in enabling our charity to continue to thrive and deliver our biggest passion – improving the lives of those who have witnessed or experienced domestic abuse.

We are so grateful to our sponsor a room supporters – Worth Waynflete Foundation, Duncan & Toplis, Gatehouse Consultancy and Training Limited, Rotary Club Of St Botolphs Boston and Longhurst Housing Group.

Without the support of this network of funders and partners we simply would not be able to deliver a service of quality to those affected by domestic abuse. It can take years for someone to reach out for us, so it is crucial that we get it right every single time: with your generosity we are able to deliver a holistic, non-judgemental, person-centred approach to those most in need.

Your contributions allow us to change lives – not just today or tomorrow, but every day. Thank you for believing in us, trusting us and giving what you can because it means so much to us!